Three Ways to Get into Balance by Being Yourself
I can still remember laying on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance. I had had a severe vertigo attack that landed me in the hospital for four days, three days before the birthday when I was going to turn it all around and start anew. I was going to give myself what I gave so freely to others, an open heart, full of compassion and understanding.
The Question is, “How Did This Happen?”
As I lay in the hospital I wondered, how with all my professional knowledge and daily efforts to practice a balanced life I found myself in a position of depletion. I thought I was doing a great job of caring for myself. I gave myself moments of freedom. I took walks and spent time with friends. As it turns out, the trap that snared me was my lack of self-awareness. Like many women, I did what I promised myself I would not do, which is to give my emotional energy and physical strength to others, first. In my efforts to be present for others, I failed to conserve quality energy for myself. Without knowing it, I gave away a core resource, feminine energy that stabilizes and nourishes mind and body. The question became, “How did this happen?”.
A Mystery, an Admission, Comes to Light
After a coming to Jesus moment, I realized my predicament of lack was grounded in a certain truth. I liked being independent, it made me feel in control. My thinking was, “Why ask someone else for help when it is so much easier to do it yourself?” Specifically, “Why disturb the relationship status quo?” “Who needs the added stress of getting tangled up in someone else’s issues?” “Who needs to hear ‘no’, or appear weak when you are trying to get something done?”
The Blind Spot
Unfortunately, my solution for balance and peace of mind created a blind spot. By keeping alive an old belief, which equated dependency with weakness and lack of protection, I put my physical health in jeopardy, Unaware, I undermined my relationships, which like all relationships, thrive on inter-dependency. Most importantly, I left on the table the feminine power of connectivity. The mysterious allure that comes with believing your soft spots, when shared with those you love and trust, is ultimately inviting.
The Mysterious Presence, Right There in My Heart
So what changed? While in the hospital, I pondered what I knew to be true; which is curiosity combined with self-compassion fosters self-awareness and healing. Fortified with inspiration, I made the decision to
- Open up and get into an honest relationship with my self.
- Let go of old beliefs and herald in new beliefs that supported me.
- Own what I denied myself; the allure and essence of the feminine; the glue that cultivates, if allowed, a wonderful inter-dependency and mutual respect in relationship.
Change is Just a Thought Away
The upshot is, I didn’t have to change all that I did, or do. I only had to change the way I thought about how I lived my life. I had to embrace the experiential truth that relationship is about togetherness and absorb this beautiful knowledge into the core of my being and let it blossom.
Joan Shaver, LMFT
Be Bold Be Beautiful Be True to Yourself
