When it comes to women and personal power one of the most overlooked emotional core resources is the power of feminine presence. This amazing internal asset is unmatched when it comes to providing you with insight, confidence, and balance. Recently, I spoke with Mary, a woman facing a difficult negotiation that involved an important transition in her life. She worried about being manipulated into doing something she was not prepared to do, just yet. While discussing the situation, I asked Mary how she thought she might be manipulated if she was clear about her priorities, her stand.


Want the Power?  Clarify Your Position

As Mary spoke, I realized she looked outward at what others might want from her as opposed to looking inside of herself to see what she was willing to do and not do. Mary’s problem and anxiety stemmed from the fact that she failed to establish a clear picture of her own needs. The oversight to clarify her priorities is what made Mary vulnerable to the manipulation of others, not the attempt of others to manipulate her. Metaphorically speaking, Mary left the front door of her home open and then worried about being taken advantage of.  Thus to feel secure, Mary’s primary task is to set a boundary, to close the front door.


Radical Self-Care

To be a strong negotiator, Mary needs to get in tune with core needs. To represent herself with full authority, Mary needs to practice radical self-care. She needs to commit to what she needs/wants before contemplating the agenda of others, especially at the beginning of a negotiation process.


Presence, Power, and Balance

Presence is power.  Feminine is relational. Adding a touch of feminine perspective to the power of presence is an unbeatable combination to work from.  Once you get into relationship with yourself and make the decision, the commitment to clarify and stand for your needs, you become your own advocate. The beauty of taking responsibility for your Self is that the act fosters authentic self-confidence, which puts you into balance with the best and most intuitive part of who you are.


Start With One Decision

I know it is counter-intuitive to put yourself first, especially if you are a compassionate person.  Yet, why not take control and feel better about yourself and the world around you?  To do so, cultivate a practice radical self-care. Start by making one decision and sticking with it.  Then, make another decision and stick with that and so on. Continue this practice until it becomes a habit. In the meantime, while writing this blog, I found a quote I would love to share with you.  I think it applies.  The quote by Elizabeth Henry goes like this,

“It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.”


Joan Shaver, LMFT

Be Bold    Be Beautiful    Be True to Yourself

Empower the Feminine!

Empower the Feminine!

You Have the Power

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